The scattattered journal

alternate_atron @ 2009-09-28T16:54:00

2009-09-27T20:57:42Z

her tummy is bubbling a lot and it doesn't feel very good... and we all need to leave so she can go to work in a bit... not very good.

Very stange combination of people awake today.
Myself (Attelle)
Warrior
Norlight
A very unfinished experemental Windchaser... who I don't like.
Verco (only because Nor and Chaser are up)

I've started learning to know when and how to move away from Warrior. Yes, i feel when he gets hurt but I also feel him tense, feel his fingers twitch. Feel him breathing deep when I'm close, trying to smell me. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to let that translate into game play. Its taken me years to feel all of those things out... understad what is my own and what is unvoluntary reactions to phantom sensations. Its... really confusing.

time to go.

Morgan Rivers entry 20

2006-05-09T18:39:37Z

This is the first I've been able to write in weeks. It feels like weeks at any rate. Raddick has been keeping me very well occupied.

I was surprised to learn that Raddick had been looking into my family history. I was sure I was without any extended family. Ma didn't talk very much of her family. I know pa had a brother somewhere further north. I think he might have had a sister too, but I sort of remember hearing she died. Turns out my mother's mother is still alive in Dorne along with most of her sons and daughters and grandchildren. It’s strange. I never thought it would be any more than ma, pa, Rio and Fran. Now I have a whole other line of family. I only hope that ma didn't leave them hating her, or this could be less than pleasant.

I've been able to rest finally. There is very little you can do on a boat. I've been sleeping quite a bit. I think from all the excitement lately I could use a little quite time to myself to relax and reflect.

I suppose I should write a little about what happened to make me leave. Nor came to me one afternoon, feels like years ago now. I really don’t know what to write... I know I should have no regrets. The lady wanted me to fix Illya’s servant, Rani. I was offended that she would talk so carelessly about the girl’s secrets. I was suddenly reminded of the things I trusted to Elinora, and... couldn’t... I wondered how easily she shared my secrets. Did Rani know now too? I can’t see why she wouldn’t. I would be a lot confused if I was in her place and told that my hidden history would be shared with a random girl.

I snapped at my lady. Hitting her with this journal even. So if some of the pages have blood splotches I’ll know why. Her nose crunched. I meant to catch her on the cheek. It felt so releasing to do some damage for once. I told her off, finally. We argued for some time. I wished ill on her unborn child and she struck me for that. Clove was there at least, her kisses took away most of the sting.

It was after that that I realized everything was finished. I never wanted to see her again. I gave her my love, my silence, my devotion. And what am I to her? Someone who warms her bed to spite Brittamor. Someone whose cunt is free. I am tired of being used by her. Brittamor too. I got so angry with her I started throwing everything possible at her. And she fled. I spent a long time crying, I wanted anyone to come, to hold me. The more I thought on it the more I realized that I was always alone. No one came and somehow I knew no one would. Not even one of the servants asking about most of the contents of my room breaking against the wall.

I took a walk to help slow my breathing, I felt like I would be sick otherwise. When I came back to my room the captain of the guard had made herself comfortable. I thought for a while she was going to continue what Ellinora had started about Rani. Or maybe to break my spine for hurting her precious prize... the one I won for her.

I was so glad to leave them behind. But it wasn’t until my fight with them that I realized just how much I had been using my husband to hide behind. I know Tom won’t live forever, and where would all my hard work go if he died before I had a male heir? When the master informed me I was with child and I would lose a lot of face if I had it without a husband to speak of.

So I grabbed the only man who never really cared. Even said I could still bed whoever I pleased after our vows. He doesn’t know my feelings for anyone else. I can’t say for sure it is even his. Sometimes I wonder if it might be one of the twins who got me pregnant. Or both.

I don’t love him. I can’t believe it took me so long to work it out. He was my first lover who didn’t rape me. I thought that it was enough to just have a man who didn’t hurt. But it isn’t him who I wish would hold me in the night. I shared my body with him and very little else.

And now I look at the mess that I’ve made for myself... there isn’t anyone left to comfort me. I wanted to run back to Pembrook and to Hallie’s arms and cry myself stupid. Even she is a lie. I wonder sometimes if I have ever really made a friend anywhere.

Being with Raddick was a refreshing change. I had very little time to think about my woes. I’ve come to think of him as an elegant slob. His style keeps throwing me off. Every time I think I’ve come to understand what he wants he changes again. He makes a complicated lover. He admitted freely to using me and didn’t regret it. I can’t say how I feel about that. On one side I’m furious that I mean so little to him... but at the same time he admits to his actions.

Before I began my journey to Dorne I recived a letter from Ellinora and her bodyguard. More of their empty words and lies. The messenger was also quite determined to mend our relationship. I wrote a reply as quickly as I could, knowing they too would be trying to make the same trip as I was. I have never written like that before. I hope they will learn to leave me alone from here on in.

Morgan Rivers entry 19 (repost)

2006-05-09T18:38:17Z

I woke up alone, and for the first time I was glad of it.

I dreamed of being back in King's landing, back in my childhood home. I was alone, and father burst in, drunk as he was most nights. He looked around, not that there was anything much to ever see, until his eyes fell on me. I tried to keep him away, kicking his legs, slapping his hands away. But he towered over me and I was powerless against him. And he was yelling at me, I could make out 'why did you turn out so badly?' and 'can't you do anything right?' 'how did I get a whore for a daughter?' 'you never do right'. He was well inside me, it burned madly. I was scratching at his arms, his hands at my neck screaming 'Marea' over and over until I woke up.

In the dream I tried to backhand him, in the waking world I managed to fling myself from bed trying to strike someone who is long dead. Suddenly everything seemed to be uncomfortable, I needed to cry. I didn't trust my room not to have ears in the walls. I dressed quickly, crossing the castle to the master's tower. I climbed to the top, looking out to where the town lay at the foot of the castle walls. It felt releaving to just be outside, no walls around, no dark shadows to jump out and produce bad memories. I stared out, trying to make out the shape of my new tavern and thought I found it...

I curled up on my knees, pressing my forehead to my knees and sobbed until I was sure that my voice would go raw from all of it. I felt calmer after that, watching the stars flicker overhead for a time. I find that if I sleep alone I'll wake up to that dream, or some variation of it. The 'whore of a daughter' comes up every time. I sometimes wonder if he died that same night... Did I do something that I don't remember? Did I strike him and I just don't remember? His hand was over my mouth and the world was starting to spin...

Rio never said when or how he died... except that he was drunk at the time... and he was clearly drunk that night... but enough to kill him? Or did I... Sometimes I see Uilliam in Rio, the same face, same hair, those gray eyes... And I see him and wonder what I did wrong to deseve what father did... What I should have done to calm him or direct his attention elsewhere.

I sat on the roof of that tower for what felt like hours, maybe it was my imagination, but the sky seemed lighter when I left. I didn't make any sort of conclusions about anything. Except maybe my dream father knows more about me then the rest of my family. Mostly about being what I am. I think all of them just see me as a prosperous woman. They don't think about the whore that hides behind the facade. Even my husband is a facade to hide behind. He was the first to teach me that it didn't have to hurt, that I needen't be scared. Nor was there before that. She is the only one that knows half of anything about me. My husband doesn't care. The woman that matters to him is all that he cares for. I attached myself to him because it was convinent. He won't try to control me any more than Tom does so I can keep my taverns. He doesn't ask about anyone else who I sleep with. And he is as far from Nor as I can get without wedding myself to a begger. Mal will never be a noble. He will never be anything and never wants to be anything. No matter what Nor does she will still be noble blooded. I should be putting as much distance between us as I can. No matter what I do I am not allowed to love her. It just can't happen anymore. I tried my hardest while Nor was on that mushroom but... it wasn't the same. It felt so nice to have her touch again.... and Brit. I've missed them both so much.

But she isn't my Nor. She never was to begin with. Even she has her own husband to hide behind now. And Brit was so upset when she found myself, Nor and Illya. I talked to her a bit... and I think I finally realized that she is probably the only other person I could trust. She loves Nor with every part of her soul. Maybe as much as I do... maybe more. Its hard to measure invisible things. I know for next time to tell Brit that Nor wants a third partner with her husband and just step away. Maybe after this trip to Dorne I'll step back into the life as Morgan Rivers and stay there a while. I'm probably only nine weeks into the pregnancy... who is to say how long it will take to get to Dorne and how long we will be staying. I should stop trying so hard to be Nor's equal... I'm not. Never will be. I'll show the world that I am Morgan the peasent. From there we'll see how wide the gap will grow.

Mogan Rivers entry 18 (introducing Lord Gelvin... I mean Gavin)

2006-04-28T12:45:17Z

Want to sleep. So tired. Can't sleep... not yet. Need to write. Think will be ill too. The seven are frowning on me, I think.

I have had the most miserable time this week. I spend most of it trying to hide from Illya and Nor who both seem really determined to get me married off. I don't want to be tied down. I know he said it wouldn't have to get in the way with who I share myself with, but it does. Like it or not, it does get in the way, because I feel like I shouldn't shame him like I do. Nor informed me that Brit had left her... I couldn't say if my heart took flight or crashed though the floor... probably one and then the other. For a moment I thought I might have a chance. Might get a little bit closer to what I want... But instead I went to Brit. Not intentionally really, I needed someplace to hide, and... if Nor and Brit where in a fight, the last place she would go would be to see Brit. We talked and she sort of shared her feelings about what happened with myself, Nor and Illya. For a while I thought maybe I could do the same and really talk about what it was that was troubleing me... but who is she to me? My rival? I don't think I should go so far as to call her friend, as we aren't really. I think I got her to calm down enough to take Nor back. Probably the hardest thing I will ever have to do. Not because it was so difficult to argue, but I crushed my own chances then. If I could have, I would have gone back to my room and cried... but Mal was there now, so even the place I used as a refuge was gone. Maybe if I sneak out in the dead of night for the roof... no one bothers me much up there... but Mal is such a light sleeper. Its difficult to move without him knowing. I didn't go back in the end, so drained from trying to be comforting and supressing my desire to just compleatly ruin any relationship between Nor and Brit... I fell asleep in her arms. When I woke there was a flower where she was... her simple way of saying thanks... it took some effort not to crush it. I wore it in my hair instead, the only proper thing to do. She seemed to like that, even though she never said anything to me that day.

Why am I doing this to myself? I'm married simply because I'm with child, and probably something that won't last till the end of this month. I've been thinking of going back to Pembrook for some moon tea, since I didn't bring any with me and I boubt the master would give me any even if I asked. She is becoming more and more of a burden. The vomitting, the feeling as though I would very much like to vomit but can't (even with my best efforts), the tiredness and now a few extra irritations. I've been feeling like I've ate a whole orange and now it is sitting right where she is. And my skin right there constantly itches. I know I haven't been training as much as I should be and I can feel the extra fatness, dispite hardly being able to eat at all. Is it really worth all this trouble... He can make more babbies when he wants.
And yet I'm still with child...

My wedding was nothing as extravagant as the show Nor and Illya put on. There really wasn't much to be said about it. Singing and vows and blessings like Nor's but less ... everything. Nor sent for my brothers, Mal and Tom and managed to get them back to Fallowfield for the event. Something I protested until I couldn't think of any more excuses. Tom was beaming with pride. I suppose that is one good thing about the whole damned thing; Tom was happy. Mal seemed to be just as excited as Tom. I suppose he has good reason. Free wealth, lands, buisness. If, or when I go before him he gets everything... and none of it earned.

Mal gave me a crystal decanter... how he managed to pay for it I don't know. I didn't want or expect anything from any of them. Anything they give I could get with my own coin. All the same I got things. Fran made a lovely table! I never expected anything that ... beautiful. Perhaps it just means more since I know he worked on it himself. Gods bless him, he is always trying so hard. And he still comments occasionally how beautiful I look. Little brat, got more of mothers looks than I did, i don't know why he doesn't just sit on the floor and compliment himself. I'm half afraid to go back to Stone keep to find all the young serving girls watching him like the servents of Fallowfield watch the stone master. Wilfrid gave me a mare who I decided to name Bolt. I haven't decided on the meaning of her name. Crossbow bolt, to lock or to run. All three seem fitting... so I've decided not to decide. Someone, I can't remember who, gave Mal some shiny new armour. I doubt he really knows what to do with it. Its doubtfull anyone will want to raid Pembrook again. I can't see him making any sort of living at being a knight. He hates attention so much. Nor gave me a new crossbow. I gave it a test the other day and its much more fluid than my other one. Granted I've been using that one for a couple of years now. Brit had a comfortable saddle made for me. I think I admired Illya's gift the least, a feather bed. The second. He said it was for when the new inn was built. Rani gave me a crown of flowers. Cute thing. I wore it durring the day. I didn't think she would be there but she is practically Illya's shadow. It would be far more difficult for him to keep it from her. Although I doubt he tried very hard. Things can be kept secert from anyone so long as the effort is put into it.

There was one of Illya's wedding invitations went astry and some pompus lord showed up today to wish the newlyweds a happy union. I don't know why I bothered, but I went off to pretend to be Adwilia again. I have to admit it was a cheep and easy way to make sure I wasn't left out of the important conversations and to keep away from Mal. His company was fitfully borring. I had a hard time keeping up with Adwilia's act. I would go so far as to say that I did dreadfully poorly those couple of days. I had the damnedest time trying to remember his name. In the end I kept calling him Gelvin purely by mistake. Apparently I'm not the only one and he didn't seem to mind correcting me constantly. After a while he did seem to get a bit frustrated with it.

I would have rather spent my days having endless 'conversations' with Lily and Raddick than to be in his company. At one point they made a tour of Fallowfield town and I rushed off ahead to be Morgan Rivers of King's Landing. I messed up then too. I still couldn't remember his bloody name and called him Gelvin by mistake. I'm sure my cover was blown right then and there, but there was nothing to be done about it. I have to say I was glad to see the back of him. He didn't seem to offer any useful information. Talking mostly of his lands, his proffits, his horses. Nothing worth listening to. Kind of like listening to Lily only at about a quarter of the speed. would rather listen to her, get it over with and knock her out if she kept going for longer that I could handle.

He decided that his gift to the newly weds (where is my gift?) would be a statue of some bastard or other. I really didn't care. In Adwilia's mind it was just the least impressive statue she had ever seen. I vaguely remember at one point making up a story about an uncle who liked to dress as a proqupine... Really, his visit was not very informative.
I need to ask the dressmakers if they have time to make me some... not so fine clothes. More like what I was wearing before I could build my second tavern. The kind of clothes that say, Why yes, my establishement makes money, just not all that much. If the other merchants of this town had half a brain they would be doing the same. Showing off that you are filthy rich only gets you robbed. It was so easy in King's Landing to tell the wealthy merchants from those who were just barely putting bread on the table. Go for the ones who live in luxtury, and soon you too will have their wealth.

Morgan Rivers entry 17 (mushrooms, mushrooms)

2006-04-27T05:22:52Z

I can't understand what Nor's problem is. One moment she is willing to ride Illya until the end of her days, the next she is complaining that she can't get pregnant fast enough. She has been after him since they were at King's Landing for the first time. Thinking back even to that... I can see I was in the way of her relationship... before she even started it... or maybe it was started already and I just ... I don't know. Stupid Morgan. You should have known you would get burned. When will you learn to do things right?

Wilfrid decided to aid Nor in her desparation of the day to suggest a mushroom that has... interesting properties. For some unknown reason lord Bywater wanted to aid us in our finding of the thing... I really can't see why Nor would trust someone delivered into her lap from her mother's company. Especially when her mother found out about her relation with Brit. I would send him off to the farthest place on a retarded quest of some sort. Well away from me at any rate. Who can say who he really works for?

We did find the mushrooms, a large circle of them. For a second I thought back to my mother telling me of faries when I was young. Clove was what distracted me from that before I got too emotional about the memory. For some reason that dog decided that it was a good idea to eat one of the darn plants. I tried to chase her down and pull it out of her mouth but she was gone before I could catch her. I pocketed some extras before I left... I'm not sure what to do with them, really. I may ask... I can't as anything of the master... I don't know what he would think of me having this plant, or he might exchange it for something that I really shouldn't have my hands on.

Convinced that Wilfrid had found the right fungis we each took a bit to eat. Myself, Bywater, Wilfrid and Nor. After a while Nor sent Bywater away to find Brit and give her a bit of the plant and find us in the woods. As soon as Bywater left I started nibbling on Nor, whatever I could get; hands, cheek, neck. Didn't matter so long as I could touch her and it wouldn't matter. Wilfrid has been a lover and good enough friend to me for some time. He kept Nor and Brit's love a secret well enough. Why it would suddenly matter if I was open about my desires... Who am I kidding, I was always open about it... it was just seen as a game. A pinch here, a peck there... Its all part of Morgan's game so that nothing looks out of place. So no one catches on that her sworn sister would rather be Brittamor. Strong, tall, knows how to fight... I can make myself into those things... But I don't know who to teach me. Brit has been the only combat training I've ever had... and it isn't enough. She can't teach me, or won't teach me. Probably both. I will admit... I don't think anyone can teach me to grow any taller. That would take a different kind of majik.

I don't know what possesed me to take that stupid plant. But it did make me realize something... my child really means nothing to me. If I had stood back for half a second I would have seen that mushrooms usually contain a good deal of harm in them. I shouldn't be playing with unknown substances while with child... but I did... in the hopes that she would notice for once. I should really talk to the master again... but he knows too much already. If I do kill her by mistake or otherwise... then ... what does it matter? A master and a handful of young adults know... And Nerys. What does she care if I am with child anyhow. Hugh has an heir. What I can't understand is... why do I care if I'm with child... I wanted Tom to be able to hold his little Gilly again. I can't do much else for him. I want what is growing in my belly to be a girl... but I can't know... I will have to wait another eight months before I can find out. I would hate to find out that I wasted my time with the wrong child. And to think most women pray for boys. Besides... he can make another one if this one doesn't make it.

A little after what happenend in the woods, I thought for a few delightful hours that maybe everything would go back to the way it was before Nor made her stupid promise to Brit. I keep thinking I should have known better... she was still aroused... Anything I would have suggested would have probably sounded like a really good idea. I was invited to share Illya with her... although what I really wanted was to share Brit with her again... hopefully without that annoying plant in my system. But it was Illya she wanted to share, much to my dissapointment. I took what little I could get all the same.

Probably my second mistake. Brit walked in on the ordeal. To watch the expresion on her face change so visibily was crushing. Sometimes I think I was better off with the Brenna family, dispite their son. No one would give me that look. She left almost as suddenly as she came in... I'm not sure if Illya even stopped thrusting... I don't know how much of that plant was fed to him either.

I keep wondering what I would give up to be exactly what I want... all I can think of are material things. All I have to give really is material things. The inns. My daughter. My love isn't real. The most I could lose is my ability to charm, and thats about the only good feature I have to offer. I suppose thats what draws Nor to people like Illya and Brit and away from me. The Seven forbid that I be exactly the thing for her.

Morgan, when are you going to grow up? She doesn't give two shits about you. Fine, let her be like that. Give the same back and see how she likes it. You know, she is so wraped up in her two lovers she won't even notice your scorn. Make any threat, say anything. She won't hear you, she'll only remember something Brit told her before she heard you. That's what its about. You come second.

Morgan Rivers entry (later)

2006-04-24T05:06:05Z

Morgan Rivers entry 16

2006-04-19T14:16:52Z

The idea of my sister or even my daughter's wedding should have me feeling excited. I feel more and more tired with ever passing day. There is a strange heavyness in my belly as well. Although for a time my belly has been calm for a few days. I hope it can stay that way until all this marrage buisness is over, mine rather.

Ser Hugh arrived a shortly after sending word that Nor and Illya were being wed. Someone had the sense enough to send a rider out ahead to tell him his lady wife was waiting for him. And still alive for another matter. Lady Nerys wanted to speak to him as soon as he arived, I have no doubt it involved her acusations about Nor and Britamor. Somehow Hugh was able to convince her that he should first greet his wife before her. This gave me a chance to warn Hugh before he could hear her Nerys' version. I think I managed to convince him that it didn't happen. Either that or that it didn't matter. We aren't close enough yet for him to really share his thoughts with me. Doubtful he ever will now that everyone is starting to dog me about my own marrage.

Robert has been hiding in my skirts almost since Lady Nerys arived. To be honest I don't blame him. I wouldn't want to have anything to do with her either if I were only four. At the same time it was proving difficult to have private conversations. I love the boy, but I can't trust my secrets to a child.

I had no idea that weddings were such dreadfully boring things. Although I tried to make a show of hanging onto Hugh, remembering our non exsisting marrage. The feast sent my stomach churning at all the smells of food. Again I was lucky not to have it decide to give up.

Sleeping with Hugh was something different. At first he insisted that we keep pillows between us. I needed to point out that should anyone barge in on us it would seem strange. Especially if it was his lady mother. At times I could really start to make myself believe it was Mal... dark hair, feeling the prickle of his beard. But the sound of his breathing was all wrong. How he would barely touch me. It wasn't the same... and made me wish that I could spend time with Mal. Made it worse that Mal actually arived with Hugh with cider. Thessa gave him a room that was only acessable by the secert passages and I did visit him as frequently as I could. Probably more ofthen than I should have. I felt so much better having his hands at my waist and playing with my hair and even being silly enough to put his hands on my belly. Hugh is a cheep replacement for the real thing.

Raddick also arived with Hugh. He still doesn't seem to be felling better. I would have thought that Benjen would have him back on his feet by now. His wife has been fussing about with him since he got here. I've begun to ignore her chatter. I invited her to tea at one point, bringing up Raddick's trip to the brothel in King's Landing. She turned red and stormed off. Before she got very far I kocked her out. When she came to I told he she passed out from the heat of the day and gave her some of my sleeping tea. So I bought Raddick a few hours of silence. We talked a little I brought up the rumours that I started around Pembrook, he freely admitted that most of them were true. His wife is a quite attractive worman, just that she talks too much. To prove as much to him I pulled down her boddice and nibbled lightly on her exposed breast. That seemed to get Raddick's attention sure enough.

Wedding guests came and went, incuding Mal and Hugh. Raddick stayed behind with his wife. Lady Nerys left, along with Robert. The castle feels so empty now. Even Lord Ren and his lady wife went home after a time. I was sad to see Fran go, even though he is closer to me now I still don't really know him. I left Kings Landing when he was only a boy. Now he is nearly a man grown and I still haven't been a sister to him.

Morgan Rivers entry 15

2006-04-17T06:20:16Z

I can't really say that I should have expected anything different. The master Tamond has told me I'm with child. I should have expected as much now that I've put away the moon tea and limited my men to only Mal. The master gave me an interesting look when I said I probably knew who the father was. He also said I should probably get married soon, before it becomes too apparent that I am pregnant. I do have every intention of getting married to him. I have so many things to take care of though. And even though Mal says he wouldn't keep me from doing what I do best, I feel ... obligated to keep only to him. The master has given me some amazing tea to help me sleep and keep my tummy under control. I've been fighting very hard to not look as tired as I feel all day. Its like a dull haze over the world.

Anyhow, there wasn't much time to think about that, since Lady Nerys showed up not long after. I had to hurry to hatch my newest plot of nobility. I managed to come out into the yard just in time to wisper to Nor and Illya that I was Nor's dead step-mother. They didn't have any trouble playing the part. Very soon everyone was doing their bit to keep up the disguise. She brought with her Ser Raddick's wife, Lilly. A particularly annoying woman who prattles on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on. I've never heard any woman in my life chatter as much as she does. I'm not really sure how Lady Naris managed to cope the trip with her in tow. If I knew how to I would tie her by her feet and drag her and her neverstopping mouth from Fallowfeild to Pembrook all from the comfort of atop a horse.

Illya, Nor, Wilfrid, A Lord Bywater (a man that came with Lady Nerys), Lady Nerys, Lady Lilly, Lady Françoise and I all sat down to tea. It was a rather amusing conversation to observe. Illya seemed to make it his mission to make himself look a fool compaired to Lady Narys' insults. Mostly she liked to attack his birth and his recent rise to nobility. I had a bit of a quiet conversation with Françoise before her lord husband came along drunk, nearly naked and makeing a spectical of himself. I was really sad to see her have to deal with her husband. I should have offered to help her all the same. I don't know what I would do if it was my husband...

Ranny seemed particularly upset by some of the things Nerys had to say about Illya. I can't say that I really blame her. If it were my bastard name being mocked and Mal heard her I'm sure he would be quietly furious. Even if my bastard name is just for show.

Somehow Narys found a lot of the hidden passages in the castle. Most probabbly the one to Nor and Brit's chambers. She pulled Nor asside and had some sort of talk about her relationship with Brit. I think it was then that Nor demanded to wed Illya. I wager the two of them had talked about it before, but I think I was trying not to listen. To be truthful, I don't trust Illya any further than I can throw a horse. I know so little about him and almost nothing about his devotion to Nor. Really I think he doesn't have any right to be with her. And how did he even get to where he is? Someone sent him to Hugh to be a huntsman. If he hadn't fallen into the right croud he wouldn't have that comfortable nobility under him. Actually one noble would still have a head and be ruling Fallowfield for him and he would have continued to just be that bastard hunting boy.

For now I'll play being undisturbed by him. I'm Nor's sworn sister and I won't second guess her judgements. I don't have to like them though. I guess on that one aspect lady Nerys and I can agree. However, if some acusation should fall on Illya I'm not helping. It serves me better if Nor was a widdow rather than married to a sarcastic unworthy northman. Sure, Nor would lose the castle unless she produced a young boy before Illya is disposed of... She really needs to produce a boy.

Morgan Rivers entry 14

2006-04-12T04:29:26Z

Fallowfield again. At least I have Robert with me. I left from Stone keep, dropping off some supplies before I made my way for the Rose road. I jokingly asked if Robert wanted to come with me, and for some unknowable reason Ser Hugh let me bring him along. We played games most of the way there. His guards are a terrible bore. Clove likes him too, so that makes things a little more berabble.

Illya tried to introduce us all to his new castle staff, but Robert started making a dash for heaven knows where and I had to follow. Not only was it twice as fun as being told what was where and all of that but it meant that we could explore every crook and cranny without the borring chatter. We ran into the master... an impossibly huge man. It took a moment to fully understand the full mass of the man... and then Robert wriggled his way under the man's legs and I just had to follow!

Robert picked out the lands where I will most likely set out my new inn. I haven't decided on a name just yet. I named the River Crossing both for its location and for Tom. I can't keep calling myself Rivers forever. I was thinking of naming something towards the Inglesby's but even then I'm at a loss. Black Flower? I really do need to think on it. The bit of land he picked out looks just about right for what I'm planning. If I start off with something as large as I have now in Pembrook... There are quite a few of inns already established in the town. Most of them pittiful. Some not as terrible. One could almost go so far as to say decent.

Since I arrived I've had a very uneasy feeling in my belly. I don't really want to think about food, forget about looking at it. So far there haven't been any upsets. However I really don't have time for this, I had a talk with the master builder about the possibility of getting his men to help build my new inn. While in town I managed to get some of the locals to help as well. Hopefully it will be well underway soon.

We've recieved word that Nor's grandmother, Lady Naris, will be coming by Fallowfield in a few days time. Nor keeps insisting that I should leave before she gets here... but I have a few other things to worry about than an old crone pulling herself out of bed to visit her family.

Illya's chatelaine has rounded up some girls who are willing to work for my new inn. I need to weed out the weak ones. Teach them how to fight, shoot, serve and not take any harassement. And fear me. All without killing them and without Brit's help. Unless I stay here long enough for them to get training... but then I would have to bring them back to Pembrook all the same to get the rest of their training. I really don't want to be traveling back and forth like that. I really just want to sleep and stop feeling so ill. Sleep doesn't seem to aid it any.

I think I'll try to sleep all the same. Maybe this time when I wake I won't be feeling so misserable. At least Clove is here... I can nuzzle her when it gets to be too much.

Morgan Rivers entry 13 Lucky 13

2006-04-04T06:08:11Z

I spent a few night at the keep before returning home. I helped the master a little with his herbs and bottles for Raddick. Other than the problems he has with his hands he seems perfectly fit in all other aspects. His mind is sharp enough, his wits are obviously still with him. I was there when master Benjin received word that Raddick's wife was coming to call on him. The look that crossed that man's face when he learned of his wife's impending arival was amusing to say the least, although I did say I would try to keep her away from him. I only hope I'm up to the task.

I spent the next evening in Mal's arms. He promised to cook for me night following. I feel so bad now that all his work went to waste. I did my normal walk around the inn, and for once something seemed out of place. One bottle of wine to be exact. One of the good ones I bought in King's Landing. After questioning Hallie and Alice it seems my stable master and one of the girls decided they could make off with some of my property. Probably under the impression that they could start their life together quite happily with Stags they made off with. Not that I even knew at the time that they had taken my money with them as well. I was just really more interested in that one bottle of wine.

Have I ever explained how much I wish I knew how to ride well? I envy Nor for learning how to ride. I think horses just hate me. I would have better luck if someone lead it to where I wanted to go. Except that I needed haste if I thought I might catch my two little thieves.

I think the most luck that came to me was that they were still on the road by the time I had them in my sights. They heard me before I was actually upon them though... something I wish had happened differently. Maybe... it wasn't worth it. What would it have been to me if they made off with all that. Its coin. I could make it back. I obviously didn't miss it at the time. I don't know. Coin isn't worth two lives. I caught her first, holding her back. The words came to me before I could really think. Next thing I knew he had a knife in his hands. I remember him saying he didn't believe me... I don't remember what I said to him though. He made a stab for me and got his lady friend instead. Before I had time to think I jabbed the handle of my spoon to his eye. I could hear him yelling and cursing in the woods, pulling the girl to the road. Have I ever mentioned how much I really wish I were as skilled as the masters as well? I had no idea what I was doing. I tore strips from my skirts and bandaged her as best I could.

The ride back seemed to take forever. Seeing as how I needed to head for the keep directly made it longer still. The master needed rousing, and with Wilfrid away at Fallowfeild... the master was not as nimble as he could have been... or might have been in his youth. I couldn't stand to wait there. I took a few of the keep's guards with me to track down my stable boy. He wasn't hard to find at all. He was dead before we got there, laying in the road. His bag heavy with coin, the wine bottle empty.

By then it was very late, the sun had long set even before I reached the keep. It was only on my way back the second time did I remember Mal's promise to make dinner. I felt like such a fool for running around trying to catch theives on my own in the dark on an animal I can barely control. Mal told me just as much when I crawled into bed. Sleep didn't come so easily, my heart still felt like it was racing to catch them before it was too late. I lay there a long time listening to Mal's breathing before I finally drifted off myself.

I visited the keep first thing in the morning, hopeful to find that the master had managed to help the healing process... I was in for a grave disapointment. She barely lasted the night, and there really was nothing that could be done for her. I payed a visit to her parents... Looking at them was like looking at Tom when he lost Gilly. I don't know how I managed to say anything at all. I'm surprised I didn't just break down and cry. I told them that my stable boy had seduced her and hoped to make off with her... I don't know if they believed me or not. I gave them 'comensation' for their loss... but no amount of coin can bring her back... nor will it make their grief any less. I couldn't think of anything else to do. I wouldn't be surprised if they started up again about how working for me is like sending their girls to be killed. I don't put them in harms way, harm just happens to follow me like a ruddy shadow.

A bird came for me while I was out, from Fallowfield. Seems they can't manage to get on without me. I'm not sure I want to leave the River Crossing right now. I have so much to do, a lot of explaining and searching... all the same I think I need to go. Illya seems to have some trouble with the local merchants and things. It doesn't surprise me in the least, Illya was never much of a people person.

I don't want to go anywhere. I want to stay right here... with Mal... and get married. I've been meaning to do that for weeks now and every bloody time something comes up. By the Seven I swear I will wed him when I get back.

Morgan Rivers entry 12

2006-04-04T05:07:09Z

I can't believe it... I just can't... Lord Gelvin tried to tear off Nor's clothes right in the middle of the feast... I know he was well into his cups, I made sure he was... but... to attack Nor like that... again with all eyes on him! I'm surprised Britt and Hugh together didn't take his head off right then and there. I could see Britt wanted to. It still frustrates me that there is so very little I could ever do if I wanted to protect Nor...

Ser Hugh made a big show of calling Lord Gelvin out, some sort of challange or something. Illya and Wilfid found Raddick in some sorry shape. I have no doubt that Wilfid will be having the time of his life tonight, trying to get him back into some sort of ... state of living. He looks a little more than half dead as he is. All of our company has been crouded into a small area of the castle, mostly to keep Nor safe. I did a little bit of listening in on the kitchen staff before I retired to bed. I can't say that I was able to rest easy. Even knowing that the greater part of Hugh's guards were in the room next to me.

Some important Tyrell came calling. He had a limp but all the same seemed to have a good deal of power over everyone. Hugh laid his case before him, explaining what had happened with Nor and showing off poor mutilated Raddick. Lord Gelvin didn't look all that rich anymore... and that lustful look was finally gone from his eyes. I don't think he fully understood the night before when Hugh challenged him. I don't think I fully understood what anyone said that night. Some things strike a little too close... and that was a near blow. I know I was right now when I said men will take what they want from women. There is very little you can do to stop it. Unless you are Britt. The man who tries to take her against her will will most likely be dead before he manages to do any damage.

Lord Gelvin named his champion, a huge man of his guard. He towered over Hugh... I was so afraid for him. Nor even came to hold my hand. I was glad of something solid to hold onto... but even Nor was scared. They exchanged blows for what felt like the better half of the afternoon, neither one getting the upper hand. It ended rather suddenly, Hugh finding a weekness or ... I know nothing of sword battles. I know my crossbow and I know how to stick people with knives. How men can manages not to get their heads removed from blades that are the length of their arm or longer, I don't know. End of it was that Hugh won. I think I must have acted very much a maid then, I clung to poor Nor and screamed until my voice failed. Much like I did in King's Landing for the Knight of Flowers.

I couldn't stand to watch Lord Gelvin being put to the sword... I dislike even thinking about it. And its sort of odd that I don't mind killing or bloodshed as a rule, but beheaddings... make my legs feel all weak and my insides turn. Either way its over. The Tyrell spoke a little with Hugh out of earshot, bringing Illya over. I did catch the name 'Jimmy' at least once. Illya was nammed the lord of Fallowfield. See, this is why I wanted to take up the name Rivers. At least you are half a noble. And in this very strange case it was advantagious. Unless Tom actually finds out who his noble father was I'm never going to see much of it. Anyhow... I think that poor Tom's mother just might have been tricked. Anyhow, that was ages ago.

Hugh, Robert, myself and Raddick will be leaving shortly for Stone keep again. I'm eager to return. I've been longing to feel Mal's scruff of a beard on my cheek and other things. Wilfrid and Nor are staying behind to help Illya ajust to his new role. Britt staying to keep Nor company. And now to go home and hope that Alice has been able to keep everything in order.

Morgan Rivers entry 11

2006-04-03T04:16:09Z

Illya the noble. How queer does that sound?

Ser Hugh, Wilfrid, Nor, Britt, Fran, Illya, myself and a few of my new ale transporters (and Ser Hugh's own men, all of whom have names and I know most of them, but I can't bother to write them all) made a tour of some of the more southwesterly towns. At each one we stopped at Ser Hugh would give a little speech, and then hand things over to me to try and sell my stuff. I think Lantol, Falconspike and South Crossing all have the best chances of becoming loyal buyers. I have to admit though, I am very much looking to a long, undisturbed bit of sleep. I did enjoy very much talking with Ser Hugh. He seems to have finally left his enberasement behind him for once.

Fallowfeild. What can be said for it other than grosely large? I would say that it was designed to fit the tennant however, I learned that the castle, although new, was not built by Lord Gelvin, or even for him. It is a slightly older castle, belonging lastly to Illya's noble father (Jimmy Tyrell I think I heard...) since then it passed to his second cousin. This man is heavily built... overweight to the point that I didn't think that anyone could be that large. And stand. I'm not sure how his legs can support his... vastness.

Lord Gelvin makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. His castle is kept mostly by young, lovely young maids. Except for those who really, must be men... but I have never seen so many beauties in all my life. I asked the girl who tended to me what life with Lord Gelvin was like. At first she seemed genuinly scared... and I took pitty on her. I wanted to pick her up and ride back to Pembrook before anyone would miss her. I think what upset me most was the way he looked at Nor. I know she is... she has her own kind of beauty, in a sort of gruff manner that I love... but he shoud not be looking at her like that with myself, ser Hugh and company right there! And ROBBERT!

Illya stank very much of ... every imaginable type of cack. And looked very much like he had bathed in it. He looked a lot like how he was when I first met him. Not looking at anyone and not speaking. I know that isn't the Illya of today. We southerners have taught him a little bit about backmouthing. Yes, we are an evil force. It was somewhat unsettling to see him act so... northernish again.

I was given a comfortable room to myself, much the way I like things. Anyhow, I was talking about the girl who was sent to serve me. We got to talking a bit. I'm not even sure why she confided so much to someone who had just come to visit her lord. Anyhow... this Lord Gelvin had been using these young girls for his own pleasures. I expect quite a few of them becoming pregnant. They were given the choice to take moon tea or he would banish them. If I were them I would try to get pregnant as soon as possible with any man I could and be banished. Then again I wouldn't have the brewery and the inn to fall back on. Speaking on inn, I was thinking I should set up something closer to Fallowfield... It would be closer to the Tyrells and less likely to be mobbed... or so I hope. Although I haven't had any serious loss as of yet. There will be soon. Nothing can go so well without some downfall. Same as after a long hardship things tend to improve.

We are feasting with Lord Gelvin tonight and I am not looking forward to it. I'm used to being fondeled and all of that... but I'm trying to give up a lot of that. Primarily with men, women... I need some sort of loving touch while I'm away from Mal. I think I'll go exploring a little, maybe to the kitchens and see what else there is to be learned before this annoyance of a feast begins.

Morgan Rivers entry 10 and a little bit.

2006-03-30T05:06:11Z

That man is impossible!

He would let me sleep with everyone in town, but sleeping with nobles is apparently too much. I'm trying to keep my options open. No man lives forever. I gave him the same options too but it isn't my fault that he doesn't act on it. A great many girls wouldn't have minded warming his sheets for him if only he had bothred to look away from me for once. What did he really expect from a taven owners daughter? That I would just let simple opportunitues pass me by. A noble is just about right for the plucking and he wants me to choose between the two of them.

I know exactly what I want. I want to rise higher. I know I've come a very, very long way, but there is still further I could go. Nobility is it. Since I can't be adopted into that life like I was to this one, I'll have to marry into it. And I can't very well do that until Mal stops whining about this, that and the other. I'm almost sick of him. Doesn't he want me to do better? Nobles have more influence and more swaying powers. Meaning I could finally stop trying to use my looks and my body to buy me the things I really need.

I know who I would choose if I was forced to. And I'm sure he knows too. But he is just too thick to see it. Tomarrow I'm heading out with Ser Hugh on an expodition of trade and showing Illya of his lands? I'm not all that clear on our task but I should have more of an idea on the morrow.

Until then I'll go to bed angry and alone again.

Morgan Rivers entry 10

2006-03-30T04:54:14Z

Sewing, cleaning, sewing, cleaning. By the Seven do I do nothing else? It seems that way as of late. The inn is in immaculate conditions. The way I like to have it for important visitors. My back is aching from all the sewing I've been doing. Somehow I was asked to help Illya with his costume for the masque and... I shortly discovered that the boy is compleatly useless at any sort of needle work. I sent him off instead to find something for the kitchen staff to cook for the few days of the cider festival. I've spent most of my waking hours putting the finishing touches on both our costumes. I am very much ready for a good, long, hard sleep. If anyone wakes me before I'm ready I swear I will put out their eyes with my wodden spoon.

It seemed like the festival came and went faster than previous years. The first night Lady Françoise and Lord Ren approched me about the ale they had recieved at the keep. Ser Hugh was kind enough to inform them that it came from my modest establishment. The lady was the one who worked out a deal, and a rather large one for that matter. I'll have to double my operations if I even have a hope of filling her Lord husbands needs. I have to say... I'm a bit... shocked. I never knew a man could love his ale to that kind of level.

Once the deal had been settled and I put away some cider for myself later. I approched Ser Hugh with one of the remaining bottles of my expensive wine, asking him to help me toast in this boost for Pembrook's economy. We spent a good while talking until he was like clay in my hands. Still a little stiff but I managed to get him into a hot bath, and once again put newly learned back rub skills to test. Ser Hugh, I swear, is made of solid stone. It took ages to make much progress with him. I worked until my fingers were numb and Hugh was practically falling asleep. With a good deal of stumbling and eventually I had to support him, I left him in my bed to sleep. Poor thing. He looks much younger when he is sleeping.

Only then did the cider fest seem to begin for me. I found my usual partner, alone as usual. I wish he would get along with the other men... or if he and my brother would get along. Or if he would take some interest in some girl while I wasn't around... I thought I saw little Robert there as well but I can't be sure. I know I saw Fran. Merriment was had and a bit of drinking and I did get to bed Mal at least. It took everything in me to leave his side in the very early hours of the morning to creep back into my own bed. The mayhem that ensued was well worth it.

Ser Hugh woke thinking that he had dishonored me. Nor had walked in apparently while I was still asleep and was livid with rage. After a bit of bread and honey I explained to ser Hugh that nothing happened between us except a hot bath and good company. The same was explained to Nor, however, she seems to think that her father is out of bounds for me. And I can't see why! I love her and her brother and if I did wed ser Hugh it would make us family.

Speaking of brothers. Mine came striding into my inn wearing Mal's clothing. Apparently he snuck off to the woods to bed some puppeteer who came into town to keep the nobles amused. Guess not only the nobles were amused. Anyhow, I accused him of plowing Mal's feilds, much to Rio's annoyance. Much to my annoyance I found one of the second floor doors broken into with some sort of rage. The hinges are compleatly torn appart and bent out of shape. I swear if I find the ones responsible I'm going to need to trade in my wooden spoon for a pot.

Most slept late that morning, not that I could blame them. I usually do the same. However I didn't get myself as smashingly drunk as I usually would either. Most of the day was spent with Nor upset, Hugh feeling sheepish and Ren trying to get... Illya ... deflowered. Something only cured with a lot of ale and prying Illya from Lord Ren's hands. I'm still not too sure how Ren decided that Illya needed deflowering...

Night came again and the masque... I have to say probably the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. It took ages for me to find anyone I knew. More often than not people found me first, namely Mal. Darn him. Nor and Brittamor looked lovely. I especially liked seeing Brittamor looking more busty. Mal looked painfully dashing, although I didn't realize it was him at first. Someone needed to tell me that he was the black highwayman before I found him again. You think I would know my own lover. Not as well as I should... I escorted Brittamor with Nor's help to their room... and took... advantage of Nor in her drunken state. Only a little though! By the Seven I should have stayed where I was.

Twins! Identical in every aspect and IN MY ROOM! I can't say that it was unpleasent, but definately unwanted. They were both clearly part of Ren's party, even possibly related to the man, and the last thing I needed to do was jepordize my newly landed contract because I wouldn't share. So with a polite smile and acting the part until they had burned themselves out. I can't say it was pleasent waking up between them next morn. I stole away to find comfort in Mal's sleepy arms. Felt like only minutes had passed when Nor came bursting in the door on some sort of quest babble or another. It only half made sense when she went on about ridding my room of the twins, I suppose she stumbled upon them and I mumbled something about wanting them out. Brittamor ... made a show of tossing them out, throwing the town in for a good laugh. She had one on each shoulder, praded them though the inn and dropped them in the nearest mud puddle.

Life quickly returned to normal after our guests left. I'm going to take another nap before I go to inspect for any more damages.

Morgan Rivers entry 9

2006-03-21T04:58:51Z

I spent a good few days up at the keep, originally only going to make a supply run but my stay extended longer than expected after having a long talk with Nor. I felt it was my duty to watch over her after that. Even though she has Brittamor with her. All the same I got to play with Robert and introduce him to Clove. The two seemed to get along well. I can't beleive how much I've missed being around youngsters. Fran will think himself very serious soon, being a squire. Rio already thinks too much of himself. With Rob I can run around and play monsters and maidens as much as I like. Or rats and cats. Or come-into-my-castle. I could chase him around that keep for days if only ser Hugh would continue to stay away. I also snuck in a few nights with Wilfrid, can't say for sure if Nor has figured it out yet.

In my oppinion Ser Inglesby came back all too soon. I would have liked to run back to town with young Rob in tow. I think both Hugh and Mal would have something to say about that. Although Ser Hugh did come with some exciting news. He had invited some rather important Tyrels to our next cider festival. I was most excited and welcome to the idea of more nobles. Nobles are big spenders. And as it stands I still own that inn of mine, and its still the only one in town.
Its only on the threat of nobles do I realize just how much the River Crossing needs cleaning from rafters down to the cellers. All the sheets changed and washed. The matresses restuffed, in some cases patched as well. Rushes replaced. Some minor furniture repairs. Just about everything. Not only that I had started on a slightly different draft from the usual. Hopefully it will be ready by the festival.
Ser Hugh mentioned a masque as well. I've never been to a masque, only heard that it was a very fancy party for all the nobles to pretend to be different people. I decided to take Nor's old pink gown and make some modifications to it. Gold and pink ribbons mostly, I did manage to get some wide white lace that I was going to run down the length of the skirt. I hope it turns out well. Most of the town seems quite excited for it, I think I'm a little caught up in the insanity myself.

A few nights before the festival Wilfrid sent word that the keep needed more ale (boozeohaul). Taking that the guest Tyrells enjoyed their ale I brought double the shipment and Alice, because I'm not in the mood to be working on my own, in the dark. That is just asking for a wagon wheel to give way. I tested out some back rub technique the whore in King's Landing taught me. Alice seemed to enjoy it so hopefully it will work equally well on my next target. We spent the better half of the evening unloading. Alice seemed quite happy to stay the night, probably keeping Wilfrid's bed warm. I wonder if Master Benjin likes Alice as he seems to like me.

I really need to be working on preperations for the festival. I must put my writings asside for now... added to that Mal is coming this way with that look in his eyes.

Morgan Rivers entry 8

2006-03-13T21:36:41Z

Met up with Rio at an inn the 'gold cloaks' like to frequent. Didn't take much to find him, he is just as unsociable as ever. He will never find himself a wife at this rate. He is a year older than me too, one would think that he had already found one... but then again I forget this is Rio. We talked a little about the upcoming battle, what life in the guard was like. It didn't take much convincing to make him leave the city either. That I am a little surprised over, then again... his fishing life is mostly put on hold until Kings Landing is secured again. I must remember to ask him about that eye sigil that attacked Pembrook... that still bothers me.

He left his ale untouched... and having not had anything yet that day I took the biggest risk of my life. I can't understand how anyone could handle drinking that trash! I think someone pissed in it somewhere along the way. Actually, I think piss would probably taste pleasent to that misserable excuse for ale! I swallowed it by mistake instead of spitting it right back out, mistake number two. My stomach churned and try as I might, I could not get it to come back up... for the better I guess, I don't know if I could handle tasting it again.

Rio met with me outside of the inn, I was ready to lick the ground just to get the vile taste out of my mouth, but he said someone had been looking for me... and had a bundle of what looked like ranger's clothes under his arm. I can't believe that child. He would have made an excelent theif. I found Illya under the pub, naked, tied up and unconcious. By the time he woke up Rio had sold his clothes and all we had enough money for was a simple dress. Never again am I putting Illya in a dress. He distracts men from me.

The three of us went to Chataya's 'Pastery shop' (Illya didn't bring that up, I'm surprised). I don't think I've ever seen any place so lovely. If this is what its like in the Red keep... I can understand why nobles are so reluctant to leave it. Illya showed me to the room Radick had managed to aquire for us. I didn't stay long.

I hope the gods swat the red keep into the bloody sea and crush this city. I hate this city. I couldn't just sit there idle while Wilfrid fussed with Nor's wounds. When she did wake up I got angry with her and stormed off to try and think about something else... anything else, really. Lucky for me I was already in a place that was more than willing to take my mind off my troubles.

I tried to keep away from Chataya's as much as possible. If it couldn't be helped then I would spend my time with one of the girls who worked there. Anything to keep away from Nor. If it were possible I would have tried to get into the keep and talked to Podrick or found him at least. At least I found some satisfaction in knocking Radick out.

I really do need to teach Illya not to follow me when I tell him to. He came out looking for me after cerfew the night we were going to make our escape. Two people are more easily noticed than one. Also if I was caught it wouldn't matter much, I could makes up as many stories as my arm is long. And probably more. Most of them won't work with a nancy boy following me around.

We collected Rio, thoughtless boy that he is. I managed to grab his disguarded cloak before we left. He and Brittamor had to carry Nor though the dragon pits. I must have hit Radick a smidge too hard... he couldn't seem to remember where the blazes we needed to go. After a lot of trial and error we were on the other side of the city wall. Far from it actually. Looking back towards the city the docks were glowing green with wildfire. It didn't seem to stop burning once it hit the water. I've never seen anything like it. I hope I never do again.

An amry came and left the city as we traveled down the Roseroad, Tyrells of Highgarden joining forces with King Joffery. Together they beat back Stanis and held the red keep. Too bad.

So now Ser Hugh has his squire. I have to deal with my older brother, who seems to spend most of his days giving dirty looks to Mal and acting like he is above the rest of the towns folk. I think I can understand why he hasn't found a wife yet. I would try and push some young impressonable girl towards him but I think he would end up insulting her... It isn't like there is much better for him. I don't know what he is looking for. The people in King's Landing were never as kind as the people in Pembrook. Maybe in a few weeks he will give up on pretending to be better than everyone and start to adopt life as it is now.

Morgan Rivers entry 7

2006-03-13T16:54:26Z

The walk to Kings Landing was to say most uneventful. There were passing rumors of who was where and beating on whom. Not too many things of interest to say the least although, thinking back there was an interesting haze... On arival we were all stopped by the city guard, checking our things for weapons and anyhting else of importance probably. You could really see the difference being under seige did to the people. Many if not all were under fed. I caught a few boys watching Illya with his raven. Illya must have seen it too for he sent the bird home. I hope it made it. Shortly after our arival the city was closed off. Rummor of Stanis being right on their doorstep.

Finding my brothers was more trying than I thought it would be. Fleabottom had been burned to the ground, under orders from Tyrian Lannister. I admit that it was the best thing to do with it, but it was still damned inconsiderate of him. He could have waited until I had collected my brothers before burning it down. I tried to search the docks as well, finding it was closed as well. Out of desperation I went searching for the carpender that he had been apprenticed to. The gods finally decided to smile on me. It wasn't difficult to convince Fran to leave. If I were placed in his shoes (I don't think he has any...) I would have chosen the same.

He was going to take myself, Brittamor and Nor to find Rio, however a small pack of guards decided to be friendly. I sent Fran away, chatting it up with the guards. I probably would have been able to get something out of at least one of them if a very short man on horseback hadn't ridden up behind them and scared them off. Turns out the little man was this Tyrian Lannister himself. The most I could made of him is that he is very clever with words. I think that is all I really care to know about him.

What came after that was sort of a blurr. I remember Brittamor say something of men following us and I sort of remember she and Nor exchanging blows with a group of men. I honestly thought they were right behind me, I didn't think they would stay behind and fight. What better way to end up locked away. Firstly for making a scene and secondly for bringing weapons into the city. It was much too late when I noticed that I was the only one running. I found Peter River's filled in celler, hiding under some stale straw.

Fran sort of found me a few hours later, more like I found a rock that found him and we hid together until the night passed. Sometimes I wish he wasn't as observant as he is. Or that he had actually left when I told him to. All night he kept me awake, trying to tell me how the battle went and what had happened to Nor.

Nor...
The seven damn me. I'm supposed to be a sister to her and all I can do is run away when she is in trouble. I need to train a lot harder once I get back to Pembrook. There are a lot of things I need to do once I get back home. Like a few days of just rest. I'll be going gray before my time at this rate.

Atron, entry 1

2006-03-06T03:24:08Z

Feels strange to talk. Know Morgan likes to keep journals. I tried sometimes...

Feel so alone again. Know mostly because Morgan needs to be up front... and Seamist does too, to help his lady friend who exploded. I don't know where I should be. Should be where Webswipe is. He said he would own me. But he is so far away that... I'm afraid to try to reach for him in case he is busy or not happy or hurt by something else that I haven't seen.

Really tired. Really alone too. Lots of people are gone... and I think this time its a type of gone that isn't coming back. I try to pull people that were really important to the front sometimes. I make them dance with me, just so they can still stay alive for a little bit longer. I'm working with Pointer and Jinx so far. We hope to bring Click into the dance too. And Verco. And maybe Nor. She needs help too. I ...

I heard her once... I think she is giving up on trying to stay. She was First's puppet for so long... and like me she isn't so sure what to do without her master pulling the strings. I heard her new voice. Its softer. Her touch was soft too. She wasn't mad... she was actually sorry. Sorry she made me go away. Sorry that I lost my friends. Sorry she didn't treat me and Verco the same. Sorry for everything. I cried. And I haven't heard her since. Or Verco.

We have to save so many... not all of them will use dance as something to keep them alive. I can't see Bound or Fattima trying to save themselves like that. Fattima has no sense of tune or time either.

Here are the people I want to save:
Airblast, Bonbon, Bound, Bluelight, Celica, Crashdown would be nice... she is so new. Click, Conséquence, Coralblue, Devil <3. ... Dragonfire I guess, I want to save the AIA combiners... but they are not strong at all. HubCap, Icon, Waveblade, Norta, Verco, Papion, Pointer, Jinx, Redlight, Seamist has to stay. Trap too! And Sparkstar! ;o; Ship is nice. Spitfire, Tailfeather, And..... ... I don't want him to stay but Warrior has to too.

Drat, lost count. 27... and 32 with the combiners. That... brings the list down a bit... originally 56. I forgot to count me too. Oops. So, 33 in total. Because... I like living too. The combiners have a song and dance to themselves. Actually it belongs to all of the AIA, but them first. They really like it. I hope they never forget to dance.

I'm getting more and more used to being a robot again, but its tricky... I keep forgetting things about... how I look and how to act. And my implant is gone and so it my collar and... I'm not naked as a robot and its strange... it feels ... heavy. Want to just pull everything off until its just the very basics. No more wings, no more nosecone, shoulder intakes, skirt flaps. I guess I'm not used to being so covered up now.

I don't know where to go to really. I want to pull people and ask for help but... why? We are all going to be silenced. Its just a matter of time... Maybe I'm just the only one who really feels how she does... having all of her favourites pulled away when she isn't looking.

She is going to have to turn to writing soon... and that will take a lot of time away from actually being with people. Online and real people. But... I guess it has to come down to what is more important... and eventually she may find that she has nothing more to write... because there is no one left to talk. I'm just afraid that when she looks up there won't be anyone left to talk in life too. Its hard to know.

Morgan Rivers entry 6

2006-03-06T02:05:08Z

Traveling towards Kings Landing.

Haven't had the chance to write durring the trip. Firstly on horseback and second in a rather crouded boat. I think I detest boats. Along with 'ser' whats his name. Radick. I really do have to remember to make his life in Pembrook living hell. He says he is here to escape his wife. Once I'm done with him his wife will seem like pleasent company.

The journey by horse was tiering and painful. I don't much care for travel by horse come to think of it. Riding with Nor was quiet and unpleasent. It seemed as though every time we stopped someone decided to make it their buisness to try and solve my anger about the situation. In all truth it made me even more upset that they were all making such a big deal about it! I'm allowd to be upset with people and it isn't anyone's bloody buisness as to the reasons! If I wanted them to know I would have bloody well said so in the first place. Illia tried, and probably what sent my anger flaring in the first place. It has absolutly nothing to do with him or Wilfrid or Raddic and they are all making comments that they think I can't or don't hear.

Really... I work in a tavern. I spend most of my evenings picking out one conversation out of a room full of men. Do they somehow think I can't hear them when they speak in hushed voices with no distractions? Well they are wrong. And Raddic learned that when I managed to overhear a conversation from afar and beaned him with a rock. Iddiot male.

Right before we reached the little fishing town I started my monthly bleeding. To say the least I was overjoyed. I seemed that I wasn't alone in my suffering. Nor and Brittamor both seemed to start shortly after (or before I wasn't paying that much attention to either of them) I did. Not only was my innerds in pain for most of the voyage but was required to row for part of it too. Doubly pleased was I.

Some sort of war boat manned with more men at ores than I have ever seen in my life passed us before we landed again. We made ourselves out to be a fishing boat, although I figure it was too small to be any fishing boat for the number of people we had in it. I just couldn't stand it anymore and gave that ass Raddic my mind, yelling at him as hard and loud as I could manage. The captain of the passing ship seemed to take some sort of ammusement at this and said something about putting an arrow in me if I didn't shut it. So I did the only thing I really felt was reasonable... and turned on his annoying, arrogant ugly face and let him have the same treatment I was giving Raddic. I think I saw Illia and Brittamor's cheeks darken, but I couldn't be sure because that oaf Raddic clamped his hand over my mouth and all I could think was to inflict as much boddily harm as possible.

The ship passed and he let me go, along with the back of his hand. I was going to return the gesture but Nor got there first. And although I hate to admit, she could probably deal more damage than I could ever do. All the same I told her she wasn't forgiven and that next time I could bloody well take care of myself. She gave some sort of snarky reply and I made it a point not to talk to her again.

I still don't see why I had to come. Its Kings Landing. If you want to find anything or anyone all you have to do is ask the right people. Not very hard. Why they had to drag me around and do all of this nonsense I still can't fathom.

I did manage to reply to Podric's letter before I left, using Nor's handwriting as a template to work from. I tried to keep my personal disputes out of my letter, being as polite and interested in him as possible. Maybe I should have tried harder while I was in Kings Landing last and not rejected him as Nor wanted. At least then I would have had the chance to rise well above my station twice in life. But being rised up to practically noble status... what would I do once there? I would find being eternally attached to the same borring man without the chance of further advancement until he passed. And that can take a painfully long time if waiting for the gods to oblige you. I think I would get very tired of playing noble for much longer than a few days. And King's Landing always seems to be so warm for noble's clothing. Especially trying to squeeze myself into Nor's clothing. Last time I had a horrible time with a shortness of breath. Nor is a lot smaller in the chest than I am. I should have made some ajustments to the dresses when I had the chance. But how was I to know that I was going to come back here and play everyone for a fool again?

I have all my stories figured out. If anyone asks Nor is named Gilly, something I know well enough so I won't forget it, and she took my place at the tourny. Wine doesn't agree with me come the morning and so Gilly took my place next to my father. Because what lord likes to be shamed by not having his daughter there? Obviously I need to talk to Wilfrid to make sure he can give the same story if asked. He can inform the others if he feels they need to know.

Recently I've also been thinking of my father, since we are going back home. I should pay my respects to them... mother and Aldus. He was only a babe when he died but... I would have loved to have had a third brother. I don't think he would have lived long even if he had gotten better. Rio, Fran and I had a hard enough time trying to scrounge up enough to get food. To feed an extra mouth... one of us would surely died of hunger before long.

Sometimes I dream of taking in the children that lived like me... and bring them back to Pembrook to work for me. They wouldn't ever go hungry or worry about shelter... and give them a better life than what they have... than what I had. Maybe I can still. If things go somewhat like I think they will, I will have to play noble at least once. And for a noble I seem to be lacking a good deal in servents. Yes, there is Nor, Brittamor, Wilfrid, Illia and the snot. But none of them would ever make a servent. I doubt anyone but Nor really knows what they do. Although Wilfrid seems to see more than I realize...

I wonder if any of my old hiding places are still standing... The hallow between the bakery owned by Fat Margret and her neighbours. I'm sure she figured out where her breads were going. I pitty the child that got caught in the act.
I suppose I should stop my writings and rest. It wouldn't do to have dark circles under my eyes from staying up all hours trying to write. I can't wait to have a bath. I don't even care if its cold and miserable. And my skirts all need washing.

Morgan Rivers, entry 5and a little bit.

2006-02-26T15:41:42Z

Nor came to visit last night, I thought nothing would have changed but I was wrong. My little informant inside the keep had told me how ser Ingelsby had walked in on her and Brittamor while 'checking eachothers' wounds'. I reminded her that perhaps she should only try to make love while visiting me. All the more chance for me to be included as well. She sounded hesitant and I should have figured it out right then and there.

Nor has come to think of me as a sister, although I don't know how, I haven't done anything sisterly ever. Probably just thought that it would make all the more sense when she said she didn't want me to join her and Brittamor in bed anymore. Part of me feels a little betrayed and very much hurt. I know they want to build a relationship of their own... I suppose I really wanted to be part of it too. At the same time she said she doesn't want anything to change... but it has already and I'm really not sure what to do about it. I love her more than I loved my own family. Even now that I have a new family, she means so much more. Feels like I will never get to show her again.

I did tell her a little about life in King's Landing, along with my silly idea to go riding to the keep to see if ser Ingelsby had actually recived Nor's raven. And how it didn't matter if I was taken hostage and they found I wasn't a noble, because they can't do anything that I haven't already experienced. And it wouldn't have mattered. If it managed to help Nor any it would have been worth it.

Mal has been bothering me, asking why I'm in such a foul mood towards him. It isn't towards him its at everyone and everything. I don't see why they need to bring me to King's Landing again. Go to Flea bottom, ask for Riobard and Franchot and leave again. How hard can that be, honestly? Why do they need my help for that. Just one extra person in a very small boat for no reason. I don't think Franchot would refuse being a squire. I doubt Riobard would stay behind unless he is already enrolled in the army of King's Landing. Nor is a smart girl, I'm sure she could find some way to convince a simple fisherman to come back with her.

Morgan Rivers entry 5

2006-02-26T06:37:17Z

Ser Ingelsby returned from his war campaign, our king apparently killed. I took it upon myself to return back to Pembrook shortly after my Lord’s return. I felt somewhat disappointed; I didn’t get to see young ser Robert yet. Turns out I was missing my training lesson so it was just as well that the Lord came back. Nor and Brittamor went ‘hunting’, I don’t think the ruse fooled anyone who knew how quickly their relationship had been progressing. They didn’t fool me at any rate, not that they even saw me. I do need to come to terms with the fact that they very often won’t want me with them. Still hurts. I tried to keep myself busy around the inn, but my mind couldn’t let it go. I retired early to try and work out my disappointment... but it didn’t leave. I must have cried myself to sleep, next thing I knew it was morning and I was still alone.

Brittamor wasn’t back the next day, so I took the day to get the inn cleaned from cellar to the rafters. With the training things going on in the day cleaning had been a bit neglected. There isn’t much to say about cleaning. I spent most my time trying to get some sheets clean. I think a lot of them need replacing. Maybe next month I’ll be able to get away to find some decent replacements. Ruddy knights. I did say specifically no food in the rooms. The common room is there for a reason. Bedchambers are not for eating in.

Illia seems to have taken a special interest in Pug. He seems to be trying to teach him how to handle animals properly. I have to admire his determination, although I don’t know how much success he will have with the boy. I’ve purchased a pup from one of the farmers, she is too young for me to bring home yet but that’s perfect. I don’t know what I’m going to name her. She is mostly black, I think she will have some lighter brown markings on her face and paws. I hope I’m ready for all of this. The inn, training, keeping lovers and raising a dog? I will be kept busy at any rate.

-----------

I didn’t think anything important would happen today. Well, it isn’t today now, yesterday. I had been beating the hearthrug out when Illia came in by the front gates. He and Nor exchanged words and Illia ran off again. Shortly after the men were called to arms and that was as clean as I got the rug. Nor got the houses roofs wetted down. Something that proved very useful when fire arrows came over the walls. I know Nor had sent a raven before the attack had begun to her father. But I saw quite a few ravens being shot down. For a time I wondered if I should try to make a dash for the keep in Nor’s old dresses. I had almost convinced myself when Pug ran into the inn, soaking wet gasping about ‘them coming in the river’.

Sure enough when I brought the girls down to the river there were rafts of men coming in. I felt my heart pounding so hard. My hands were all damp too. One by one they fell into the river, some being pulled under by the current. We returned to the walls to help fight off the sudden onslaught. Ser Ingelsby rode in a few hours in, his men cutting the remainder of the attacking troops down.

I didn’t realize until daybreak that Sidra was one of the fallen. I got an earful from her distraught mother. I suppose everything she said was true. If I hadn’t taught her to fight she might well be alive. Then again there was a chance if she hadn’t fought that we would have lost long before ser Ingelsby showed up and she would be dead just the same. I tried to be sad at her passing but something else kept me from thinking on it too much. Mal received a minor injury somewhere in the midst of things. I tried very hard not to think on him either.

---------

Mal has fully healed, something I am so glad for. I was rather surprised to see Wilfrid at the inn. He asked to talk to me in private. We talked a little about his taking his oath and such. Then he was suddenly asking for my hand. It isn’t like other men haven’t asked to marry me, but this is a master. I told him I couldn’t because the inn keeps me busy all of the time. He asked instead to be my lover. I could have sworn I was flushed by then. Need to have another talk with Mal.
For my efforts to stopping the back attack on Pembrook Pug and I were awarded anything we wanted. Pug is now the stable boy to ser Ingelsby. I had a hard time deciding what to ask for. I asked that he use my brother as his new squire. So in a few days I’ll be going back to King’s Landing to get the last two things important to me.

Morgan Rivers, entry 4

2006-02-26T03:48:06Z

What a busy week this has been. Some passing army came though town at the beginning of the week, stopping by for food, drink and sleep. Something I wasn’t expecting in the least. Thankfully Illia managed to find a stag and bring it in. I seemed to be missing a leg but it didn’t matter. We made stew out of, and with that we didn’t have to dig so deeply into our reserves. I lost 50 bottles of my good, expensive wine. I am not pleased by this. There are too many nobles in the world and too many knights. That was supposed to last me the full year. If another lot of traveling solders comes to Pembrook I won’t have any wine at all! I did notice a good number of girls out of their rooms that night. Once the men had moved on I scolded them... I don't think I've ever seen them look so scared of me. Something to keep in mind.

Illia and I have been training with crossbows, I eventually came to the conclusion that all of my staff should know how to defend themselves. Every girl was given a crossbow of her own. I also managed to get Brittamor to train them as fighters and not just silly things with crossbows. I gave Brittamor specific instructions to train them as she would train any boy, meaning a lot of them come back from training tired, sore and grumpy. I try to train with them as much as I can, letting Alice take over my duties. I admit Brittamor is a hard teacher, after a few weeks of it I’m sure we will all be used to the pain.

I keep finding Quark in my garden. I keep meaning to talk to Illia about that, but lately I’ve been making trips up to the keep, where most of my time is taken up entirely by young master Wilfrid. Since ser Ingelsby is away with his troops I’ve taken it upon myself to get to know the castle. I’ve also come to love little ser Robert. (I hope that’s his name). The master seems to enjoy my visits as much as Wilfrid does. I’ve come to know the names of some of the castle staff and that might prove to be useful later on.
Although, I have to say I think Brittamor gave Illia enough punishment. He made the mistake of poking Brittamor’s bottom, something that I could get away with, however, this is Illia. She chased the poor lad across town until she was able to grab him, throw him over her shoulder, pull down his trousers and spank him. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone hit so hard in all of my life! I overheard some of the girls whispering to each other how they wished they could do the same to Illia. If Illia could resist someone as lovely as Nor, I don’t think he will be chasing down the common tavern wench.

Morgan Rivers, entry 3

2006-02-24T06:36:55Z

Visiting King's Landing: Much better than living there.
Ser Ingelsby was invited to a contest like thing and somehow Nor asked me to come with them. I was so excited now that I have a good reputation and well earned money and all those fancy places I always wanted to shop at are no longer out of my price range. Shopping! The trip was something of a bore. It was a small lesson in horse riding and a great deal of jests at the master who appears to ride a donky. I think it looks a lot like a sturdy, smaller horse. Unfortunately I wasn't able to talk to Nor for most of the ride.
Upon ariving Ser Ingelsby and his men set about making camp and various noble like things. It wasn't hard to go wandering around on my own. I managed to find Riobard and Franchot, still living in that same pittiful home. Either way, I got to see them and spend time with them. Found out dad passed away while I was gone. I can't say that I'm all that moved by his death. Riobard is now working as a fisherman and Franchot is apprenticed to be a carpenter. I am glad that they are making their way on their own. We spent the night catching up, I've told them that I'm working my living as a housekeep for an elderly lady. I don't think it would have been kind to rub their noses with my good fortune.

a few nights later Nor came to me with with an interesting problem. Her father had decided that she needed to get to know a few of the noble boys. Nor, being the darling that she is, wanted no part in these such affairs. And so she asked me to take her place. I was more than delighted to take her place. So she worked awfully hard to brush my hair and perfumed to the high heavens. Her father gave her a lovely blue dress. We somehow managed to make it fit me, a little too tight around the bust but I'm sure the young lad didn't mind so much. I spend the evening with Podrick Payne and his family. And some how managed to convince them all that I was a noble. It was a fairly uneventful evening, although it was painfully obvious that he was interested in the "Lady Elinora". He walked me back to camp where I had some interesting tales to tell my Lady Nor.

Ser Ingelsby was entered into the events, those being the tourny for the new King's Hand. I think everyone was disapointed to see Ingelsby dehorsed on his second round. And not only dismounted, but with a dirty trick no less. I think the ser was also not impressed with the move. I wasn't very inrested in the rest of the tourny, although my brothers were. I bought them both gifts, Fran wanted honey cakes, Rio asked for a new fishing net. There is my sensible brother who I love dearly.
Podrick requested a second meeting with the Lady, Nor needing my assistance yet again. At this point she had no choice, he and his family know me to be the Lady Elinora. Last time Britamor was sent along as my chaperon. This time I requested Nor to be my guard for the night, so she could see all about how 'she' acted. Another evening of talking and fine dinner, Podrick slightly more sure of himself this night. We went out into the garden where he was able to gather his courage, expressing his love for me. Of course it didn't help that I was fanning the flame.
Nor gave me such a hard time when we got back to camp, it was so amusing! She demanded that I meet with him again and tell him, gently, that she wasn't interested. I was disapointed to hear of this loss of a connection but these things need to be sacrificed for my lovely lady.

The next day was spent shopping with Illia, I stocked up on some more expensive wines and some sort of copper brewery thing. And I managed to endulge myself in a feathered matress. (^o^) I found a nice leather belt for someone special. And Illia managed to pay too much for a cart. I have sworn to myself not to let Illia buy anything for me again. Ser Ingelsby did much better in the melee, actually he won and a great deal Dragons were won to our ser. I just hope that he puts it to good use.
Another meeting with Podrick, it began well, his courage doubled again. He was so heartbroken to learn that my heart had been lost to a knight who fought in the tourny. He made it a point himself to become a knight. I thought it rather noble of him. Nor thought it all rather sickening. She let me keep both dresses that I had used as well as a lovely necklace with a pink stone. I'll have to keep those well hidden, I can't think that ser Ingelsby would be too keen to find the nice dresses he bought for his daughter in the hands of a common inn wench as myself. Its so nice of Nor to be letting me keep these things. I thought I had it well enough just as it was!

Morgan Rivers, entry 2

2006-02-20T03:36:12Z

The Night's Watch came back to Pembrook. I wish they never came at all now. Knights they may be, but not the good sort.
I head Gilly leave durring the night, so I followed her to the stables. There she met with Ser Meyric, I came in too late, only to see Gilly running off in tears. Ser Meyric caught me spying threatening that if I told anyone he would kill me. He didn't seem to take my word either when I said I hadn't heard them. He left, and I had every intention of following Gilly but I didn't see where she went. When I think of it now I should have known. There are only so many places to go to be alone here.
Pug found her body in the river the next morn. Tom was so upset. As was Cedric. Cedric went out and blamed the Black Brothers for her death. I wanted to believe Cedric and have someone to put the blame on. The simple fact that she was in the river was enough to peice together the truth. And she had told me that they had lain together.
Ser Inglesby send his daughter and a few others to sort the matter out. They questioned everyone. I'm glad Nor at least was there. Otherwise I don't think they would have taken my word on anything. They took the Black Guard away from the town, saying they would by tried by their fellow brothers. I hope Ser Meyric has some nasty punishment.
I've had to watch over Tom, taking away his drink on more than one occasion. Very often sending him off to bed shortly after. I saw my father do the same when my mother died, I hope Tom can learn that drink won't make his sadness leave. He seems to be doing better though. I try to listen to him when he talks of her. Its hard. I hope things will be better once she is burried.
I don't think the Black Guard will ever be as welcome again in his inn.

-------------------
Tom has addopted me! Of all the silly things of the old man to do. He has given me full ownership of his inn and everything. I'm so happy to be taking up the River name. Even if it isn't true, River means half a noble, does it not? He has been better as of late. Little Brand found himself a nice lass and wed her a few weeks past. I hope she can stand his gosip.
I hate to admit too that there is a young lad that is watching me. I'm doing my best to ignore his gaze. It makes working awkward. Any other man would try to pinch me to show his affection. Its sort of distracting. Cider festival soon!

-------------------
I love cider.
Nor, Brittamor, Illia and Wilfrid came down from the keep and joined in the festival. I've come to quite like Nor and Brittamor. Nor has always been fun to be around. Brittamor is a little reserved but more interesteding than Alice or Martha or Pug. Pug is growing to be a very ugly child. Alice seems to have an interst in Wilfrid. I think she ran away with him at some point durring the festival.
I found out the young man's name is Mal. He brought me back home once I had my fill of dancing and cider. I don't know what to say really. I brought him up to my room and from there I'm not sure. I woke with him in my arms, so I can assume. I have to admit that I do feel something for him. I'm afraid to tell him in case he tried to woo me even more. I am not ready yet to settle and live a happy life of a farmer's wife. Not yet.
The girls are all smirking and giggling now. Saying he will ask me to marry. I think they are all hopeless romantics who are jealous. I would like to keep my options open a while longer. Martha is nagging now that if I don't find myself a man now I will become old and lonely like her. I don't think so. Just because no one ever asked her doesn't mean no one will ever ask me.

Morgan, entry 1

2006-02-20T01:55:57Z

I think I've gotten far enough away from King's Landing, so I think its safe to start keeping a journal again. I've found employment in the Hamlet of Pembrook. Not as large as King's Landing but that can have its advantages. I was starting to fear that I wouldn't find it. I had no food left and no idea where I was going. But a young man found me wandering and helped me find my way again. Little Brand, he is called, filled me in on all of the latest talk of the town. Most of it involving people I had yet to meet. It was interesting at first but after a while it was hard to keep my interst.
I had heard that there was an inn here that was looking for help. It wasn't too hard to find, there being only one inn. I talked a bit with the owner and he agreed to let me work for the night to see how I handle the position. I thought I had everything under control, but I tripped on someone's stool leg halfway though, upsetting a glass of ale onto a rather short tempered man. He gave me the back of his hand for that. The next little bit was a little fuzzy and the room seemed to be spinning. Gilly, the inn keeps daughter took me back to the kitchen and got me cleanted up. She said I could go on up to bed early if I wanted to. For some time I considered it, but decided to go back to work instead.
Turns out that was what probably earned me my current job. And some man gave me a silver stag! Imagine that! Just for getting hit. He was the mean man's brother and they are both quite prosperous farmers in the area. This place isn't fancy at all but its enough to make a little bit and maybe move onto something else. What I don't know. Found out from Gilly that the man who struck me was named Cedric. Just watching him you can tell that he really admires Gilly. But Gilly told me herself that she was going to wed a knight. I really hope she does.
I really like her. We spend a lot of time talking before the evening rush comes along. I've come to really admire her and love her like a sister. I wish I had a real sister. The inn keep seems to like me well enough too, Tom's his name.
Starting to get used to everyone in the town, knowing what they like, what they do, what they dislike. Sometimes its difficult to make out one conversation out of a room full of men. I think I'm starting to learn their voices even. Knowing who is speaking without even looking.

-----------------
Some men in black came to the inn today. Tom sent me to attend to them, giving me a bottle of wine instead of ale. I was sort of afraid to make a fool of myself but in truth what is there to be afraid of? They are men, like the farmers. There is nothing special about them if you think. Morgan told me they were part of the Night's Watch. Men who defend the north. I have some recolection of mother talking of them and the 'wall'. Gilly seems particularly interested in one of the men. I've taken to telling Cedric that Gilly will wed a knight. He seems to not care what I say anyhow but I think it still bothers him. Gilly deserves to have someone better than Cedric anyhow. Tom seems to approve of the man though, I can't see why.
A few days back I woke to a horrible pain in my stomach and seemed to grow with the passing of the day. By midafternoon I was beeding heavily and I thought I was surely dying. It took some time before Gilly figured out that it was normal and that there was no way to avoid it. She also said I shouldn't lay with anyone from now or I run the risk of being pregnent. The men can take their pleasures from the older girls as far as I care. I am not about to surrender myself to anyone just yet.
Gilly pointed out that there is a young man around my age who likes to linger around the inn. Gilly says that he is watching me, I don't think she is right. He is probably trying to look like a real man, sitting with the other farmers, talking of crops and insects and gosip. My older brother used to do things like that. He didn't do anything other than pretend to be a man.
The Lady Inglesby had passed. I have the best wishes for their family.